It’s not something we want to think about… but it’s true. God uses our brokenness to show us that He is almighty and in control. Too often we go to our knowledge and gifts and try to take care of things on our own, leaving God out of it, but that’s not what God desires. He wants us daily to look to Him first and foremost and until we do, or until we get to the point of brokenness, God will allow us to be pushed to our limits drawing us closer to Him.
I finally understand the concept and process a little bit more. My son has been sick on and off for awhile, in fact, he’s missed the last three weeks of school. Each day I thought we would get there and he tried, but he felt he couldn’t go. He constantly had a headache or a stomach ache to the point that I wasn’t sure he was being truthful with me anymore. I was mad at him, thinking he wasn’t really trying. I pushed him, I yelled at him, I did everything I could to try and get him to school. I thought there might be something going on at school, and questioned him about it. I thought he just didn’t want to bother anymore and didn’t care. I took him to the doctor each week and the doctor got on his case too. He would adjust/manipulate his neck and sometimes back. His neck was and still has been consistently out of whack which could cause his headaches, but still we didn’t have an idea about his stomach aches. We thought it was the flu and would run its course, we thought it might be stress, maybe he’s faking, but it continued for too long.
I was was told by family and friends to take control, to push him to go… they would tell me; he’s just giving up and I have no authority any more… I don’t feel that they truly believed he was ever sick. I was given a hard time that I’m too lenient and not doing enough as a parent. I didn’t know what else I could do. Last week, the end of week number two, I asked the doctor to do blood work. I was at my wits end. I asked if it was possible that he had mono or Celiac’s disease. My son does not do well with needles, so taking the blood was an ordeal in and of itself, but I pushed for it to happen. I think the doctor gave in just to appease me.
Each day I thought and planned that my son would be going to school. So I didn’t ask for his teacher’s to put his assignments together to pick up… I thought he would be there. And all of a sudden, it’s three weeks later. I’m not feeling good about myself, my parenting or anything else at this point, and the well wishers weren’t helping much. Summer school is inevitable and make up work seems like mountains.
Last Tuesday I cried out to God and said, “I am broken Lord, I can’t do this anymore, please take over, I need you and my son needs healing. I don’t know what else to do.” I tried calling the doctor to make an appointment and couldn’t get through all day. Again, the next day came and he felt like he couldn’t go to school. Again, I cried out to the Lord, feeling lousy and down myself. I called the doctor again, and was able to get through, but we couldn’t get an appointment until Friday, so I gave up on another week of school.
On Thursday, the doctor’s office called me, the blood work finally came back. He doesn’t have Celiac’s disease, but he does have a bacteria in his stomach… “H” something or another… Relief swept through me (it’s sad to say that I was grateful to find out there was something), I was glad for some news to give all those who meant well and didn’t really believe that he was sick… I was grateful that he was being honest with me all along. There really was something going on and he really was sick, and, only now could the healing process start to take place, for both of us.
Once again I’m reminded that we need to trust the Lord and have Faith. I may not know the reason for why we’ve gone through this ordeal, but I am constantly reminded that God is in control, He will take care of us and I will learn from it. Hopefully. 🙂